


Have You Ever

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Poe Dameron: After The Fall [6]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben’s Eighteen and Poe’s Twenty-One, Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Past Zorii Bliss/Poe Dameron, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Soft Ben Solo, Touch-Starved, in a weird way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25965538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben tries to reacclimate Poe to touch.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Poe Dameron: After The Fall [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1864981
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Have You Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Touch-Starved
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

One of the things that they were both struggling to get used to was Poe having actual contact from other beings besides Zorii. Ben didn’t know until they discussed it, one time when Poe had snuck out of the Academy to visit Ben on Adani. It was wonderful that Poe visited. Ben only wished Poe didn’t have to have been in pain prior to that.   
  
“Did anyone touch you?” Ben said.   
  
Poe paused. Then, “There was Zorii. I know that much. I know that there were times when it felt like we were the only two who understood each other even though the circumstances couldn’t be more different."  
  
“Different?”  
  
Poe sighed. “Let’s say her mother was the worst.”  
  
“Oh.” Ben supposed that he shouldn’t inquire more. He ought to have been jealous that anyone got to touch Poe out there in the wastelands of Kijimi, but instead, he was glad, at least, that Poe had someone with him. Even though he wished he’d also been there to protect Poe.   
  
Poe ran a hand through his hair. “I still don’t know what to make of our relationship. I don’t know if we were...together or if we were just friends. I just wish I’d been able to get her out of there.”  
  
“Of course you do. You’re...you.” A beat. “We’ll get her out of there one day. I know it.”  
  
It felt like an indignity, though, for Poe — being so deprived of touch out there. All because he’d been tricked.   
  
"I could help you,” Ben said. “You know...getting used to touch again.”  
  
Poe smiled. “Kriff, Ben, I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”  
  
It was funny, Ben thought, because sometimes he didn’t know what he did to deserve _Poe._ “Can I touch you?” he said.   
  
Even that prospect shouldn’t have got his heart racing. Even the prospect shouldn’t have made him so nervous, though it was more a happy-nervous than anything. There weren’t any words for how he cared about Poe. Not in the old languages of the Jedi, at least — old, dead languages that had faded away long ago — not in Basic, Huttese, Bocce, anything.   
  
And even if there were, he wasn’t about to trace those letters on Poe’s palm. He couldn’t risk it. Even though there were words he longed to speak.   
  
Poe nodded, and Ben traced patterns, shapes on Poe’s hands, cautiously, traced fingers and knuckles and skin. Occasionally, Poe would laugh, and it was a delightful sound, and Ben knew he’d do anything to draw it out of him.   
  
“Did you ever do this with Zorii?” Ben said.   
  
Poe sighed. “Just hand touches. Hand holding. Stuff like that.” A beat. “I could tell I meant something to her, though. She didn’t say it out loud, but I just knew. Through her actions.”  
  
Through her actions. Ben hoped that he could do the same through his actions too.   
  
Through his actions, Ben would show he loved Poe — even if Poe didn’t know, or care.   
  
***  
  
They continued their moments, when they could. When they could steal time, when Ben could visit — he was eighteen now, and he doubted his uncle cared if he came and went. He visited Poe at the Academy, and it was there that they would practice.   
  
The closer they got, the more Ben wanted. And he could feel Poe’s wanting, though it was more a case of just being cut off for so long. Too long, with Zorii as a pinprick of light and reason.   
  
Ben hoped he could be that too.   
  
It was sitting close together that Poe said, “Did you ever...kiss anyone?”  
  
“Not really. Is that weird?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Ben laughed. “Good. People seem to have this weird hang-up about guys being virgins. It’s like, girls being sexually experienced they have a problem with, and they have a problem with guys being virgins. No idea what they think about people who don’t identify as either.”  
  
“Gender roles are bantha shit anyway,” Poe said. “I will say, Zorii and I — we did kiss,” and Ben almost felt a stab of jealousy he forced back; he felt guilty feeling it anyway, when Zorii was likely the only pinprick of light out on Kijimi for Poe. “But I still don’t know if it...counts. We just had a weird relationship."  
  
Ben swallowed. “You deserved something grander,” he said, before he could stop himself.   
  
“What were you thinking?”  
  
“I mean...” Ben sighed. “Poe...what if we decided to go further? For real, this time?”  
  
“Do you just pity me?” Poe sounded confused, and it hurt, Ben thought, that Poe would even consider it a possibility.   
  
“I love you.” Ben said. “I’m doing this because...I want to save you from yourself. Because I love you. Because I had inklings I loved you. But I knew I loved you after Kijimi. After you were so brave. So compassionate. And sometimes I just...”  
  
“Ben, you wonderful man,” Poe said, “Just shut up and kiss me.”  
  
Ben did.   
  
He didn’t know how perfect it was. After all, it was a matter of making sure their noses — especially Ben’s — didn’t get in the way.   
  
But when they did kiss — kriff, was Poe the only one touch-starved? Ben was used to feeling alone, with Tai (as a friend) as a pinpoint of companionship. Here, though, with Poe...it felt like all he needed was here. Like he needed more.   
  
They broke away. Ben was gasping, trying to regain himself.   
  
“Are you okay?” Poe said.   
  
“I am.” Ben said. “There’s...there’s nothing that makes me feel safer than being loved by you."  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
And Ben wanted to give Poe everything. He knew that much. Wanted to give him the galaxy, even if that seemed too small for Poe.   
  
Even if it wasn’t enough.   
  
***  
  
The first time they had sex, Ben was nervous. Nervous about how he’d do, what he’d do. What his body would look like under Poe’s eyes. But he’d do his best, he knew that much. He shimmied out of his Jedi robes, almost nervous — and it was worth it, Ben thought, just to see the look of amazement in Poe’s eyes. That look of worship.   
  
“Kriff, you’re beautiful,” Poe murmured.   
  
Ben didn’t know if it was true. Poe definitely made him so, he knew that much. And seeing Poe naked — Ben was amazed by how well-formed he was. Every straight line and every curve, the way his skin was smooth and golden like a sun...  
  
He needed. In Ben’s eyes, he doubted he had seen a man more beautiful. A man that he should have been jealous of if Poe wasn’t everything Ben could fall in love with.   
  
“You’re beautiful too,” Ben said. "If I told you you were the most beautiful man in the galaxy, would you object?”  
  
“I’d probably be conceited if I agreed...”  
  
“Can I...touch you?” Ben said. “I just want to worship you.”  
  
"Feeling’s more than mutual. And yes, you can.”  
  
“Lie down.”  
  
Ben felt an unexpected sort of hunger even as he made his way up Poe’s body, using his lips and fingers to stimulate Poe’s nipples. At Poe’s moans, he was almost worried that he was going too far, only for Poe to say, “I’m fine, Ben, just...please, you feel good, you’re so _talented...”_  
  
Ben preened, at least a little, before kissing and licking down the flat expanse of Poe’s upper belly, the hint of softness on his lower belly. Poe’s moans turned to laughter. “Ben, stop!”  
  
"Sorry. I just...like it.” Ben thought of his own belly, the hint of softness there that bunched up a bit at times. “It’s like mine. And it’s very cute. If you were built like a Holonet model...you wouldn’t be you.”   
  
“So you don’t mind...”  
  
“No.” Ben kissed Poe’s belly, then gave it a playful nip. “Sometimes I wonder how I have you.”  
  
“Well, you got me. I’m here.”  
  
Ben could feel how hard, how eager Poe was getting, as his hips bucked, as Ben marked his thighs, his legs, and he could feel how much it moved Poe, how it touched Poe (in more than one sense) that Ben would be there for him.   
  
“Ben,” Poe murmured. “Oh, Ben...”  
  
“You’re holding on,” Ben murmured. “Relax.”  
  
Poe did, and the sight of him, arching into the pleasure that hit, coming all over his and Ben’s bellies...well, Ben could safely say he did something right.   
  
Poe jerked him to orgasm then. He didn’t have to. Ben could only assume he felt like he needed to return the favor, somehow. They lay there, exhausted, foolishly happy from what they’d both experienced, and Ben knew there was no turning back.   
  
He didn’t mind one bit.


End file.
